Why on earth is it so hard for so many women to speak positively about themselves and their accomplishments? How many times have women told me things like: “Oh, that? It’s nothing special.” “It makes me uncomfortable to talk about myself and my successes, I don’t like to brag.” “I shouldn’t have to tell others (boss, colleagues, clients…) about what I’ve accomplished, the results should speak for themselves.” Or worse yet, and I heard this one again just the other day: “I can’t think of anything I’m particularly good at.”

Well, whatever the reason for this self-imposed modesty, this humble nature, it’s important to get beyond it. Self-promotion – within reason, of course – is a prerequisite not only to advancing professionally, but also to reinforcing your self-esteem.

If you cringe at the thought of having to market yourself, even minimally through a simple conversation, I’d like to recommend an effective book by author Peggy Klaus: “Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn without Blowing It”(Warner Business Books). It’s based on the premise that “In today’s cutthroat business world… bragging is a necessity – not a choice! Remaining quiet about your successes only leads to being underappreciated and overlooked.”

For women who prefer learning through “live” practicing, see the News & Events section for a couple of upcoming courses on this subject, one in English and one in Italian.

It’s time to start speaking up about yourself. If you don’t, who will?

As a parent, I am always happy – relieved, even – when September rolls around and it’s time for the kids to return to school. As a professional, why hasn’t a similar annual reminder to think about my education been firmly ingrained into my brain? Now is the time for that to happen: taking learning and development into your own hands has become crucial to continued professional success in today’s economy.

LinkedIn cofounder and executive chairman Reid Hoffman, spurred by the recent publication of his book “The Start-up of You”(Crown Business), states in a March 2012 interview by Reader’s Digest: “It’s no longer: I do my job, and The Man promotes me. You must develop your own capabilities, your own assets, your own opportunities.…The real question is how you invest in yourself every week and every month, just like businesses do–because businesses that don’t invest in themselves are terminal businesses.”

Developing your skills and knowledge is one of the primary aspects of investing in yourself. What is your next self-development move?

For further advice on proactively managing your professional success, see “Working Women and Self-Managing Your Career”, where life-long learning is one of the top 5 proactive moves implemented by real-life women of Milan.

Autorevolezza e assertività al femminile: Affermare la propria leadership

Designed to empower women to assert themselves as leaders both professionally and personally, this program is comprised of three interactive half-day modules and an individual coaching session. Participants will develop assertive communication and self-management skills, increase self-assurance, and become more aware of what it means to personally be a leader.

28 Oct., 12 & 26 Nov. 2013
9:00-13:00
CIS Valmadrera (LC)
€390 + IVA (incl. coaching session and lunches). Held in Italian. Visit here for more information.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the steps to becoming more self-confident were explained as simply as, say, the steps to making chocolate cheesecake? Well, my Métamorphose partner Dorcas Lasme-Adou and I think it should be. That is why we put together a short instruction manual, specifically for women, with instructions on how to increase your self-assurance. Read the condensed version here.

Self-Confidence Instructions c_v 06_12 (pdf)

What techniques work well to boost your self-confidence? Please let us know!

I’d like to start a petition to change the name of mentoring to womentoring (anyone up for creating a new entry in Wikipedia?). The boys don’t really need the word mentoring anyway – often it’s something they do quite naturally, so why would they need a special term for it? We promise, when womentoring becomes a normal, everyday practice for women, we’ll resort back to the original word. It may take a while, although with women’s mentoring programs blooming around the world, it could be sooner rather than later. Example: unprecedented numbers of women have registered to attend PWA Milan’s 3rd annual mentoring program launch on March 21. Just imagine…standing room only, for womentoring!

Incidentally, if you’re interested in going out and finding a (wo)mentor for yourself, click here for several concrete suggestions on how to go about it (excerpted from my related presentation at PWA’s 2011 mentoring launch).

P.S. On the other hand, I wouldn’t make any move to change the word mentalist to womentalist. How on earth could we ever find a female replacement for Simon Baker, whose charm and fascino are unparalleled?

Ultimando i preparativi per il corso sulla leadership femminile che comincerà l’8 Marzo, mi sono chiesta : Quale è il modo migliore per celebrare questa giornata? Una ponderata dissertazione sui progressi fatti in questi anni? Una protesta simbolica verso le ingiustizie che le donne, ovunque nel mondo, devono ancora subire? Un piccolo e insignificante bouquet di mimose che viene commercialmente distribuito ad ogni angolo di strada da Tizio, Caio o Sempronio?

No grazie, non fa per me.

Concentriamoci su quello che è veramente significativo per la maggior parte delle donne che conosco : champagne e cioccolato. Ok, se poi dobbiamo aggiungere anche un po’ di succo d’arancia alle bollicine per creare delle (vere) mimose può andar bene lo stesso. A questo punto, per avere un pasto a tutti gli effetti, non ci resta che aggiungere del bacon. Pronte per il brunch?

As I finalize preparations for the women’s leadership course starting March 8, I think: What’s the most suitable way to celebrate the day? A thoughtful essay on how far we’ve come over the years? A symbolic protest against the many injustices women still experience around the world? A flimsy little bouquet of mimosas, as distributed by every Tom, Dick and Harry – or should I say Tizio, Caio and Sempronio – quite commercially, in all the shops across Italy?

No thanks, I’ll pass.

I say, bring on what’s truly meaningful to the vast majority of women I know: champagne and chocolate. OK, if we have to add a bit of orange juice to the bubbly so it constitutes (real) mimosas, that’s fine too. Now, all we need to do to have a full-fledged meal is to add in some bacon. Brunch, anyone?

Throughout this excruciating process of creating a new web site focusing on women’s career development and leadership, I have been asked repeatedly: Why? Don’t you like working with men?

Well, I do. That’s not it at all. It’s just that after facing the challenges firsthand that so many women meet as we try to lead fulfilling professional lives and at the same time have decent private lives, I realize that this experience can be especially helpful to other women. Whether it’s the external challenges, such as working long hours and foregoing friends and family or not understanding the importance of networking and company politics until it’s almost too late, or the internal conflicts, including being uncomfortable with self-promotion or battling to overcome those insidious inner voices on subjects such as inadequacy, rejection, and guilt, I have faced my share and then some. It’s this understanding and empathy that has led me to focus on women and diversity issues.

I have also been asked on numerous other occasions: When? When are you finally going to publish your new site? And, considering that I could have had another child in the time it took me to finish this project (hence the word “excruciating” above), I’ll leave that question for another time.

“La collaborazione con Valerie mi ha consentito – in un momento di radicale cambiamento nella mia vita professionale – di individuare, utilizzare e valorizzare al meglio le qualità che già possedevo per re-inventare una nuova carriera. Ho potuto analizzare, mettere in discussione e rielaborare le mie priorità e i miei obiettivi di crescita professionale, tenendo in giusta e totale considerazione il mio attuale contest privato: tutto ciò in modo assolutamente libero e in assenza di giudizio. Gli incontri mi hanno consentito di riconoscere e valorizzare quanto già costituisce il mio patrimonio personale e professionale, per farne quindi tesoro nella creazione e sviluppo del mio progetto imprenditoriale (per certi aspetti, decisamente distante da quanto fatto finora) dandomi motivi e ragioni che avvalorassero la bontà e la fattibilità della mia idea imprenditoriale.”
– Silvia Rigamonti, Imprenditrice, Milano

“Thank you so much Valerie for the day spent together and for all the good vibes you can transmit.”
– Gioia Audrey Camillo, Lawyer, Milan; participant at “Comunicazione assertiva al femminile”, May 2013

“Valerie is my coach, mentor and advisor as I transition into and develop my personal coaching business. Her keen sense of intuition, extensive professional background, and genuine care for my development as a professional coach has helped me tremendously in building my confidence, particularly when handling issues such as negotiation, pricing my services and developing client relationships. Her style is nurturing but firm, able to shine the light on areas that need to be addressed, holding me accountable so that I stay on track and confront the sometimes not so easy parts of myself in benefit of my growth and development. I’m also grateful for her mentoring and guidance, which have been invaluable to me in my Learning process. Her attention to detail and readiness to go the extra mile for me make her a truly outstanding professional.”
– Monique Svazlian, International Executive & Leadership Coach, San Francisco

“Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your interest in me, for advising and guiding me. You confirmed something that has been boiling in me for several years, all the while wondering if I was able to do it, how and where to start. Thank you, thank you very much Valerie. I take it as a sign from above, through the grace of God, that I was able to attend and participate at the event that you, Dorcas and the others organized here in Abidjan. These two days helped me to take that important step, to explore new horizons, to take new paths… My SMART plan is thus underway…on its way to be achieved! As faith is one of my values, I pray that these paths are smooth, that I get up when I fall, that I accomplish my dream. And all is possible to he (she) who believes…”
– Staël Enokou, Communication Manager; Participant at Métamorphose Abidjan, May 2012

“Merci du fond du cœur, de t’intéresser à moi, de me conseiller et de me guider. Tu es venue confirmer quelque chose qui bouillait en moi depuis plusieurs années, tout en me demandant si j’en étais capable, comment et par où commencer. Merci, merci beaucoup Valérie. Je considère comme une grâce de Dieu, un signe du Ciel, que j’ai pu être présente et participer aux journées que Dorcas et toi, avec tous les autres, avez organisé ici à Abidjan. Ces deux jours m’ont aidée à sauter le pas, pour explorer de nouveaux horizons, emprunter de nouveaux sentiers… Mon plan SMART est donc en marche…pour aboutir! Puisque la foi fait partie de mes valeurs, je prie que ces sentiers soient aplanis, que je me relève quand je tombe, que j’accomplisse mon rêve. Et tout est possible à celui (celle) qui croie…”
– Staël Enokou, Chargée de communication; Participante à Métamorphose Abidjan, mai 2012

“I met Valerie while she was the President of PWA Milan and, going through a phase of deep reflection and change, I decided to hire her as my professional coach. First of all, she helped me focus and set my goals. She then supported me in defining the best strategy to reach them. After having experienced professional coaching I definitely feel like suggesting it, and most of all suggesting Valerie as a professional and passionate coach.”
– Monica Pesce, Associate Partner, VVA Valdani Vicari & Associati

“Il percorso di executive coaching svolto con Valerie mi ha permesso di sviluppare una maggiore consapevolezza di me stesso e di rinforzare la mia autorevolezza. Sono ora più conscio dell’influenza e dell’impatto che posso avere sia con mio team che nei rapporti professionali in genere con persone di tutti i livelli. E’ un po’ come mettere ordine in una casa che tutto sommato conosci già. Il grande vantaggio è che trovi energia e nuovi spazi per farci stare ancora molto di più.”
– Fabio Ponzano, Direttore Commerciale & Marketing Italia, Groupe Chantelle

“I started putting my Smart plan in place not too long ago and I DID IT! I SUCCEEDED! I had refused to admit to myself that I had fears and weaknesses; I had refused to believe that I could even have weaknesses. At Métamorphose, I was freed to a point impossible to imagine. For once I saw the limits that I had imposed on myself; I confronted my fears, my limits and my barriers. I refused to mourn the life that I could have had and the woman I could have been. I refused to be unsatisfied. I finally tried, and I succeeded!!! Thank you Valerie, thank you Dorcas, I love you, I am happy, freed, I’ve undergone a metamorphosis and am ready to “smart” the world!”
– Participant at Métamorphose Abidjan, May 2012

“J’ai mis en marche depuis quelques temps mon plan Smart et ÇA Y EST, J’Y SUIS ARRIVEE! J’ai refusé de m’avouer mes peurs et faiblesses ; j’ai refusé de croire que je pouvais avoir des faiblesses. A Métamorphose j’ai été délivrée à un point qu’il n’est pas possible de savoir. Pour une fois j’ai vu les limites que je m’étais fixées, j’ai affronté mes peurs, mes limites et mes barrières. J’ai refusé de regretter la vie que j’aurais pu avoir et la femme que j’aurais pu être. J’ai refusé d’être insatisfaite. Je me suis lancée et j’y suis arrivée!!! Merci Valérie, merci Dorcas, je vous aime, je suis heureuse, délivrée, métamorphosée et prête à « smarter » le monde!”
– Participante à Métamorphose Abidjan, mai 2012

“Our meetings allowed me to develop a continually increasing awareness of my abilities and potential. These were strengthened by our conversations, which first brought me to clearly identify my needs and priorities as a person and as a manager, and then to define the goals and actions I needed to take. One day I felt that something inside me had changed, a high level of self-confidence and a full awareness of myself..and this self-awareness was noticed by others.”
– Daniela Giovannini, Sales Director Italy, Start People

“After several years in Italy, I was eager to find business opportunities that matched my interests and skills and which also offered me greater flexibility than a traditional employee enjoys. Valerie jump-started the process by helping me better identify what I could offer clients, who I wanted to approach, and how I wanted to structure my time. And she helped me to create a compelling story as I looked for these opportunities. Valerie brought me to the next level with her thoughtful, actionable coaching. Having Valerie as a trusted sounding board — and cheerleader — gave me renewed confidence and her well-placed feedback got me more focused fast. In the end, results are what counts. I have found a great fit in a new city. The right career coaching can really transcend borders. I highly recommend Valerie!”
– Jane Oberwager, Independent Strategy & Marketing Consultant, Milan, Italy & Miami, Florida

“Valerie helped me face important changes within my organization and set the next steps for my career. This was my first coaching experience – it was very professional and flexible, and answered my professional needs. It represented an efficient way to increase self-awareness and to help self-analysis.”
– Giacoma Alagna, Finance Director Southern Europe, Invensys Process Systems